I Trust....

 A few weeks ago, I went to the doctor and received a diagnosis that I had already prepared myself for. She confirmed my suspicions about having arthitis in both of my knees. And while I knew from the sounds I could hear in my joints when climbing the stairs or practicing yoga that what she said was definetly true, I was shocked and instantly angry. I have an active life! I work in the fitness industry! I take care of myself. I have plans for my future that do not involve tiptoeing around sore or painful joint issues. My doctor didn't seem to notice or didn't care about discussing what this meant to me or what to expect from this new body of mine. And I was still in a state of shock, so I didn't think to ask. How could this happen to ME? was all I kept thnking. I also heard a voice in the back of my head telling me to pull it together, this is not the end of the world. Plenty of people get ddisgnosed with arthitis every day. Stop your whining, right? But I couldn't help it. I felt those 3 little words repeating in my head.

IT'S NOT FAIR
IT'S NOT FAIR
IT'S NOT FAIR

I went home and started my reseach and quickly had a slew of questions I didn't have the presence of mind to ask at the time. I stepped away from the web when I had my fill. I didn't want to learn everything all at once. I could only handle a little at a time. I knew this much, theres no reversing the damage an there's no cure. 

That night, I listened to an audio book I had already started. The Universe Has Your Back - by Gabrielle Bernstein. She shared some pretty powerful intentions and spoke about trusting the path that's been laid out before you. I decided that the next morning, I would wake up and start my new path...with trust. I would change my morning meditation to reflect my ablilty to have faith, to love my body just as it is now and to let go of expectations.  

In the morning, I woke and got down to the floor where I normally meditate. I grabbed my mala beads and started...

I TRUST
I TRUST
I TRUST

When I was done, I practiced on my mat, repeating the same intention;

I TRUST
I TRUST
I TRUST

Afterwards, I started up the audio book again and hopped in the shower. As I was brushing my hair out and listening to the book, Gabby spoke about sending yourself love and healing and finding a place of peace. Just at that some moment, my mentor sent me a text. I received the notification and looked down to read it. It said, "I am sending you love and peace this holiday season" My jaw dropped and I froze on the spot. I paused the book and just stood there for a moment. The universe was indeed sending me a message. I knew then, that everything was going to be ok. My life was not ruined. I needed to let go of my fear and love who I am, arthitis and all. Any goal that I had set is still possible.

 I felt a need to somehow symbolicly mesure this moment, so I got the Sharpy out, wrote these two very powerful words on my knees and meditated again. 

I TRUST IN LOVE
I TRUST IN LOVE
I TRUST IN LOVE